morbidxpsycho @ 2005-03-25T04:42:00

2005-03-25T11:57:32Z

Title: Wake Up
Author: Sydney Black and my buddy Irikara
Rating: Meh PG?
Warnings:Angsty lol
Summary: Based on the song "Wake Up" By Three Days Grace
Pairing: Benji/Sebastien
A/N: Um yeah, song fic written by me and my buddy. I wrote the ending, and thats why it sucks ass. But I unfortunately cannot come up with anything better.

I'm not sober all the time
You bring me down at least you try
Until we see this eye to eye
I don't want you

"You stupid drunk!" He screamed. Blue eyes blazing, and small body shaking. He was pissed. But so were you.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? It's a only few drinks Seb!" You yelled back. In your fury throwing your drink of vodka and coke onto the ground. It shattered, and the liquid flowed, almost like a river over the broken glass.
He didn't get it. Sometimes he was such a mama's boy. And you hated it. Four drinks was not the end of the world!

"Bullshit! I'm surprised you're not wasted on stage!" He sneered back.

"What's your fucking deal?!" You bellowed, kicking your chair violently backwards. Half way to wasted and fighting with your boyfriend were a lethal combination. And it seemed to be happening more and more.

"You flip over everything now a' days!"

"I hate it when you drink!" He yelled. Those blue eyes now brimming with angry tears.
You didn't soften.

"So don't be here then! You can't control me! I want to drink, so I will!"

"Well that's the typical you! You don't ever give a fuck what I think!" His voice was pure mockery.

"And you care what I think? That's a laugh." Some sarcasm from you, all part of the recipe for what you'd look back on as your worst fight ever.

"You know what? You're right, I don't care what you think!" This time his voice had a hint of sadness in it, but he tried so hard to hide it in anger, as he yelled those few words drilling them into your mind.

"Oh like you ever did!" Your reply was in voice of the same shrill mockery. You could have stopped yourself, but that wouldn't give you the unperfect ending. The one that went perfectly with this hellish, imperfect relationship!

"I hate you! I hate you so fucking much Benji." The blue eyed, boy yelled clenching his fists together, in an attempt to stop the tears coming out of his now darker blue eyes. It wasn't helping.

"Then get the fuck out of my house!" You replied in a voice filled with complete hatred, not at this point realising how much the person infront of you meant to your heart.

"Fine!" The tears started to fall down his cheeks. But it didn't take away from the pure anger you saw burning in his eyes. Didn't water down the hatred.

"I will leave!" Despite the tears, he managed to keep his at a voice fairly even tone.

"That's not a first for you is it?" You shot at him. You couldn't stop now. You wanted to fight and you wanted to hurt him. He always left. Whenever things got bad he walked. That was just Sebastien.

"Fuck you!" He screamed. "It may not be the first time I walked. But it is definitely the last! This is over!"

"And I couldn't be more thrilled!" You sneered again.

"Good bye!" He glowered as he spat the phrase at you.

"Good Riddance!"

The door slammed and Sebastien was gone. The house was empty. And you were alone.

I must be running out of luck
Cause you're just not drunk enough to fuck
And now I've had it up to here
I don't, I don't want you

"There goes my free fuck" You mumbled to yourself, falling down on the couch so conveniently place behind you.
Who cares, it's not like you have satyriasis. Besides, with the way things had been going, Sebastien would have had to be wasted for you to fuck him anyways. Every minute you spent together was just another fight. Over drinking, friends – the stupidest things could trigger the biggest arguments.

It was his fault this happened...wasn't it? He just wouldn't shut up or stop yelling at you. You were always wrong. It was natural to be angry about it, right? It was natural to just get fed up. All he ever did was bitch and complain. Who could possibly deal with someone like that?

If he couldn't accept you for who you were, then he wasn't even worth the effort. You didn't want him anymore. You never did.

It took so long to see
You walked away from me
When I need you

It had been a few days after the fight, and you couldn't manage to stay completely sober for five minutes. You knew you had a problem. There was no denying it. But you were upset. And you couldn't get way from the alcohol. It helped. It helped you so, so much, when no one else did.

Sebastien didn't help. And he was your boyfriend! Wasn't that his job? ...Well not anymore... It doesn't seem to matter to him though. You thought bitterly. But it mattered to you. You needed him. And just when your life was going to shit, because you'd become an alcoholic, you were depressed and angry alot, and the stress and frustration of your band and relatationship were fucking murdering you, he walked.
When you needed him the most he left you.

...Okay fine, you made him leave. You told him to get the fuck out, but still, shouldn't he have- ah fuck it! There was no excuse and you knew it. This was your fault.

As you laid there on your bed, stomach aching and empty from excessive vomiting, head pounding and heart hurting, you started to cry for the first time in years.

Why did everything have to be so hard? Was it so difficult to just put down the bottle once when he was around and show him you cared enough to stop? But did he constantly have to nag you? And was it so hard for him not to run away when things went bad? Every fight you had, whenever he got uncomfortable, upset, anything negative happend, and he was outta there! Within- at max. half an hour.
He should've stuck around. You can't fix things when you aren't there.

Taking in a breath a sniffling a little, you slowly sat up. Enough was enough. The floor squeaked under your weight as you headed into the bathroom to get cleaned up.

Within the span of a few minutes you found yourself heading down the stairs, with improved hygiene, clean clothes and a goal.

Looking at the small watch on your wrist, you noticed the time was one a.m. in the morning. Not exactly the best time to get your ex-boyfriend to forgive you, for what you did. But you had to go now. You had to see him now.

Wake up I’m pounding on the door
I’m not the man I was before
Where the hell are you
When I need you

You’re standing infront of the door of Sebastien's house, this has to be the only way to make it better, even if you don't completely understand what the hell your doing.

Lifting up your fist you pound on the door, it's late, he probably has to wake up first. So you wait.
You need to fix things with him. You can make things better.
And your not the man you where before, you would do anything to have him back, and try your hardest to give up everything that made your relationship fucked in the first place.

A few minutes have passed and it's beginning to rain. Super.

"Sebastien!" You yell, practically pounding on the door. You don't care if the whole neighbourhood wakes up, as long as he does too. He needs to know how sorry you are. You need him to know.

A light flicks on and you can hear him walking down the stairs of his condominium. Through the window beside the door you catch a glimpse of his bare feet and the bottoms of his baggy blue jeans.

You wait a little longer as he shuffles to the door, in what your sure is a sleepy state. You smile, because you can picture exactly what he looks like.

It's raining harder now, the water droplets are slowly, but surely begging to seep through your hoodie.
Finally the door opens, and there he is. The love of your life standing there with no shirt on and sleep ruffled hair. Beautiful.

His face fills with shock as he sees you.

"W-what are you doing?" He stumbles over his words a little. And those blue eyes are filling up with tears again. Guilt hits you full force.

"Hey." You say quietly.

He's trying so hard not to cry. When you reach out to touch his face, he flinches away.

"W-why a-are you here?" He breath is quickening, and he's choking back sobs. Trying so hard not to completely break down.

"Sebastien, I'm really sorry. Come on, let's talk okay?" He's not the only one trying now. You are too. Apologising has never been your thing. But over these past few hellish days, you've realised you'd do anything for him. And if this was what had to be done, okay.

He screws his eyes closed tightly, and slowly shakes his head. You begin to panic.

"Come on Sebastien..." You say gently. Trying to coax him into letting you explain yourself. But the tears being to fall down his face from behind closed eyes and he shakes his head no again. And before you can talk he slams the door on you.

Wake up I'm pounding on the door
I won't hurt you anymore
Where the hell are you
When I need you

Frantically you pound on the door.
"Sebastien please!!" You yell. "Please open up!!"
You quickly lean over to the window beside the door to see if you can see him. There he is, crumpled in a ball against the front door. He's shaking and when he lifts his head up you can see the tear streaked face.
You bang on the door again. "Please Sebasiten!" Some more banging." I wont hurt you anymore" You add softly. "I promise baby."

But he won't open up. Please Seabastien. You think. I need you.

I'm not angry all the time
You push me down, at least you try
Until we see this eye to eye
I don't want you

Staring, into the window you see yourself, looking past your reflection you see Sebastien inside the house still crying. So many times you stood there in that house when it was filled with hate and yelling. Was that really how it always was?

"I'm not angry all the time!" You yell back, protecting your own pride. How could he just stand there and tell you how fucked up you where? What was he? Fucking perfect? You certainly thought otherwise.

"Oh I'm sorry, just five minutes a day right? The rest of the time your a cup of fucking sunshine." He said glaring at you, with hardened blue eye's starring into you.

"Wow, some boyfriend you are. I mean you really understand me don't you?" You said in a somewhat mocking tone with a tinge of anger.

"Oh yes, and you understand me perfectly right?" He asked in a challenging tone, you really could have stopped the fight. Backed down and apologised, but that just wouldn't do for you, he was so selfish. And until he met you eye to eye, you really didn't want to.

"Better then you understand me!" You shot back childishly.

"Fuck this! I'm leaving!" He yelled already pulling on his hoodie and heading for the door.

"Well isn't that a fucking shock!" You sneer. But he's already slamming the door on you. He's already gone. Again.

It took so long to see
You walked away from me
When I need you

You had to blink back your own tears as you remembered that particular fight. You two were so mean to each other.
It wasn’t like that in the beginning. You remembered the first months were so happy. What happened?
It took a second to do the math, but you’d been with Sebastien thirteen months. Thirteen fucking months. How did you ever make it so far? You remember after the fights. When it got to the point where you both just gritted your teeth and gave in. You were still a little angry with him sometimes . But you both got tired of screaming. So you both just let the tension build. So many days you two spent angry at eachother, not talking or yelling and screaming, fighting, crying and leaving.
How could you only see this now that he’d finally given up? How could you only really see how much you needed him after he walked?

Wake up I'm pounding on the door
I'm not the man I was before
Where the hell are you
When I need you

You pounded on the door again. You couldn’t let him go. You’d make up for everything, and anything, but he couldn’t leave you. He just couldn’t!

“Sebastien!!” You yelled again. “Sebastien please!”

Another look through the window showed him still on the floor by the door. His forehead rested on his knees and his hands covered his ears. He wanted to block you out. But you couldn’t let him. If you only needed one thing, you needed him to hear you out. You needed him to forgive you.
One more chance. Please. Just one. Begging silently you slid to your knees infront of his door.
The hoodie on your back probably held more water then a lake right now, but you didn’t care.
The only thing that mattered was getting him to open the door.

Wake up I'm pounding on the door
I won't hurt you anymore
Where the hell are you
When I need you

You yelled his name again, beating your fists against the wood. With all the racket, you succeeded in waking up the people across the street.

“WILL YOU SHUT UP!” An angry man bellowed from his window.
You only yelled louder. Still he wasn’t answering you.
Your watch told you it was now One fifty-six a.m.

Almost an hour here. How much longer could he possibly hold out?

Your determination was disturbing you. It usually took ten minutes before you gave up on something.
And Sebastien knew that too. Couldn’t he see how much more this must mean?
Leaning closer to the door you spoke loudly enough so that even through the door and the storm he would hear you.
“Sebastien, I’m not going to hurt you again. Please I want to work this out. I want to make it okay!”

The man from across the street, was getting more angrier.
“You don’t leave here, and I’ll call the police boy!!”
You were really beginning to hate that neighbour. “Sebastien!!” You were not giving up, hitting the wood harder with your now very bruised fists, you begged him again to just open up.
And he did.

It took so long to see
You walked away from me
When I need you

His eyes were red and puffy from crying so much, he looked exhausted. And his breathing was still so shaky.

“Sebastien?” You asked cautiously, rising from your drenched knees.
“Seb, I’m sorry.”
For a minute, you truly thought everything would be okay. You really though you two could fix everything. Make it like it was the first day you met.
But then he shook his head again.
“Sebby?” You barely ever used his pet name. You wished now that you had used it more.
Finally he spoke to you. And you almost wished he hadn’t opened the door.
“I’m done with it Benj. I’m sick of the yelling and the hating, the hurting. I’m sick of always crying over you.”
Filled with panic again you try to convince him otherwise.
“We can fix it Sebastien. We’ll fix it.”
But you can’t convince him.
“I-I’m sorry Benji. It…it took me so long to see. And so long to admit it. Almost a whole year of fighting… We just don’t fit together. I’ve got to leave you.”
Tears are running down both your cheeks. Though yours are masked by the rain hitting your face, you know he can tell you’re crying.
“Please Seb just listen! I’m not that person anymore. I need you. Please! I wont hurt you, I swear! I love you! I love you so fucking much! I need you!”
“I-I’m sorry Benji. I’m sorry.” And the door closed again. He’s gone.
This time you walk away. Slow, trudging steps.
As you make your way slowly home you’re filled with pain and regret. So much regret.
You could’ve prevented this. And you wish so much that you had. You wish you’d just had a little self-control and handled those arguments like an adult. You wish you’d woken up and realised you needed to do something. But you didn’t. So here you are, going back a to a shitty condo, left with absolutely nothing but the pain.
And the one person who could’ve made it better, isn’t there when you need him.

Wake up I'm pounding on the door
I'm not the man I was before
Where the hell are you
When I need you
Wake up I'm pounding on the door
I won't hurt you anymore
Where the hell are you
When I need you